Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
