no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
