it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
