you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
