U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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