Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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