saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
