so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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