peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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