So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
