11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
