I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
