My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
