Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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