my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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