Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
