I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
