You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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