they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
