How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
