Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
