I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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