you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
