The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he fucked my hip out of place.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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