I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
