Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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