I got chris browned last night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
