Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
