You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
