I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
