Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
