Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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