I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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