I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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