will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
