that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
