Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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