This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
