She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
