the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Randomize
