yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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