Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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