she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
