i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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