You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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