I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
