jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
