the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
