Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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