I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
