Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
