I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
