8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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