Duck Duck Cougar?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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