hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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