Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
