There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
