I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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