mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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