Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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