shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
