My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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