My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
