rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
