Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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