Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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