I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
