you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
