4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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